Patrick Kane warms up at the Pepsi Center for a recent game.

Last night at the Avs game, my gay friend asked why I had fallen down on the job and failed to send him the shirtless pictures of Patrick Kane in the Limo. See, if there is a naked or semi-naked picture of a hockey player, I’m going to find it. It’s just a talent I have. Needless to say, when I got home I started combing the Internet for said pictures that I missed while traveling to Moscow.

Not only was I disappointed that the pictures weren’t more racy, but I was flabbergasted at the media’s attempt to make a mountain out of molehill. Headlines still abound about the “scandalous” pictures, talking about the shocking behavior of an NHL star.

Excuse me, but when did being male and shirtless become scandalous?   Was it the beer he was holding?  He is of legal drinking age, after all.  There was nothing illegal in what he was doing.  He didn’t even appear drunk.  I mean this isn’t a raging frat party with naked girls and cocaine.  And he didn’t get drunk and get behind the wheel of a Ferrari. Yet based on some of the media reaction you would think he was caught with a crack pipe and gun under the drivers seat of his car trying to cross the state line.

But that’s not all. The kicker was that the organization (presumably) made him issue an apology, which he did in true NHL fashion by saying he was sorry for embarrassing the team and that it was time he grew up.

At that point, I think I threw up in my mouth.

Not only has the NHL media training stripped every ounce of personality from these kids, but now we’re supposed to believe that they are complete robots and simply tools of the NHL business; that those guys we go watch play every night exist for one reason only – to play hockey. Maybe they’re even bred that way! (I want to know are they Deltas, or Epsilons, but I suppose that’s too much information for the public to know.) I can’t say how much this attitude disgusts me, and I’m not the only one.

Of course, a few traditional purists from unmentioned regions commented on some of these stories, stating that this was a disgrace after Kane’s alleged “taxi driver assault” (a accusation that was actually unfounded in the end.) These are probably the same people that thought the NHL’s scare tactic video about the dangers of social networking was a great idea.

I guess the primary reason this story makes me so sad is Patrick Kane seemed to be the sole tasty piece of chocolate in the bland sea of vanilla that the NHL has become (see the latest Colorado Avalanche Mailbag for painfully boring player quotes.) He had the cockiness, the swagger and the audacity of a Brett Hull or a Jeremy Roenik. We all know that these guys are human, that they have differing opinions and that they have a life outside of hockey.

What is it about hockey culture that makes it necessary to hide something as simple as an opinion? Let’s face it – the NHL is filled with classy guys. We don’t have the gangsters, meth users and murders. So why do we have to keep every little thing they do a secret? I don’t know about you, but I miss the stories about Dino Ciccarelli getting arrested for indecent exposure for walking around his front yard naked or Ed Belfour getting drunk and puking in a police car and trying to bribe the cop with a million dollars. People love a good scandal – it brings fans to the game. We’re all human. We all screw up. We all like to have a good time. What’s wrong with letting these guys be human? Let us enjoy their humanity!

And if you’re trying to tap into a potentially huge population out there, say, one that represents over 50% of the population, let those shirtless pictures circulate!

Photo: Patrick Kane by Goddess Sasha. Copyright 2009-2010. All Rights Reserved.