With the exposure of Olympic hockey, and with the Matt Cooke incident provoking headlines, here in New England there has been a lot of hockey talk lately in the media. Unfortunately, that means bandwagon fans and self-proclaimed experts are coming out of the woodwork. If these sorts are driving you mad (as they are me), feel free to direct them here for Savvy’s Rules of Hockey Fandom:

1. Know the sport. This seems like a given, but I’ve actually known of hockey “fans” who don’t know what icing is. There’s no shame in admitting your ignorance. We all had to start somewhere. Learn the game, THEN you can spout off.

2. Know the players. You don’t have to know the entire roster of every team (even the “experts” don’t), but at the very least you should know your own team.

3. Pronounce their names correctly. You may say you are a Bruins fan, but if you can’t pronounce “Lucic,” you are not a Bruins fan. (Hint: it’s not “Loo-shick.”)

4. Don’t wax nostalgic for the “good old days.” Hockey players are bigger, stronger, faster, and, with a few exceptions, better than they were 20, 30, 40 years ago.

5. Don’t whine that you can’t tell who the players are because they wear helmets. If you can’t tell the difference between Alexander Ovechkin and Alexander Semin because of their helmets, you either never watch hockey, or you’re blind.

5a. And don’t opine that the game would be “better” if the players didn’t wear helmets. That is, in a word, insane.

6. Anyone who leaves a game early deserves this:

7. Don’t play the blame game. The other team doesn’t always score because your guy screwed up. Sometimes, the other guy makes a stupendous play. They get paid too.

8. Sometimes, shit happens. The game is played on ice. The puck bounces around. Guys fall down, the puck takes funny bounces. Sometimes you get lucky, and sometimes the other guy gets lucky. It’s part of the game.

9. Don’t ever, ever, EVER call an NHL player a pussy. Because, you know, they aren’t. And this is you: